how could I?

So, my boyfriend and I kind of ”broke up”. Yes, again. I thought this time, it was real. But when I asked him if I really was his girlfriend he again said ”I don’t know” so that’s when I said ”I don’t want someone who doubts being with me” and that was it.

I texted him today that he had to go to the doctor ‘cause I have this really painfull irritation and he could have it too. He’s being really arrogant and like, being the cool guy.

Well, I guess I’m at that point again where I’m single and everything is just like hell. My body hurts, I sort of lost the most important person for me in the world and all my friends are always buzy doing stuff and I’m here like. What the fuck happened to my life? Where did it go?

But the most anoying thing is, people start saying sweet stuff like ”it’s gonna be allright” and I now it is, but can I be happy without the one I’m crazy in love with. How can I be positive for my future, if the future I thought I would go to, is now completely gone ‘cause the most importent person in there, is now gone with the wind.. How do people do that?

Only thing positive is that I have a new job. It’s in the club where my nog ex-boyfriend works and first they told me (yesterday they emailed me) that I couldn’t work there ‘cause I was Timo’s girlfriend, but things are drifferent now. I’m not his girldfriend, as he said, so now I can work there and I really really like the job!

But yeah… I don’t want the job, a summer planed with all kind of stuff with friends or a good feeling body if he’s not here. And I know it sounds very dramatic, but I told myself, don’t fall in love ‘cause it will hurt you, and I trusted him and he let me down. I knew it would happen. I’m such a fool for believing that this time was different.